Tuesday, 28 October 2014

What It's Like To Be "Unexplained" - #NFAWUK

If you saw my post yesterday, you will know that in October 2012 we were given the label "unexplained infertility". This is such a frustrating thing to live with, for so many reasons.

If the doctors had been able to determine what was "wrong", then they'd know how to fix it, treat it, get around it. We would have been referred for some kind of treatment immediately. As it was, we were told that because we were unexplained, the NHS wouldn't consider offering us any sort of treatment until we had been trying to conceive for 3 years. Sure, in the grand scheme of things 3 years might not seem all that long; but when you so desperately want something to happen and the fact that it isn't happening is completely out of your control, being told you've got to wait for over a year longer before you can ask for further help is heartbreaking.

Just because the tests that have been performed haven't brought up anything specific, doesn't mean that there isn't actually an underlying problem. Unfortunately the tests that they do don't necessarily test for everything. It's frustrating knowing this, and not being able to do anything about it.

Not having a definitive answer makes it so much more difficult to accept. If everything is functioning as it should, then why don't we have a baby?? Why do other people get to have all the luck without even really trying? You begin to question everything. Am I a bad person? Do I not deserve this? Is it because I'm going to be a terrible mother?

Social situations become more difficult. Unfortunately, some people lack tact and will ask you straight up when you're having children, or why you don't have any yet. At first, you're quite good at lying through your teeth and use the age-old "we're just settling into married life first" or "we want to travel" or "we haven't thought about it". Inside, though, every time someone says something, a little piece of your heart dies. After a while, it becomes harder to keep pumping out these excuses, and it's easier to just hide away and avoid people - if you're not there, they can't ask you.

Sometimes, when you confide in people, they automatically assume that someone is "to blame". I was actually asked whether the problem was with me or with Boy. People have real trouble comprehending the fact that perhaps you've just been terribly unlucky. Aside from everything else, this isn't an exercise in which to point fingers. The fact is, it affects you as a couple. Both parties suffer equally. You want to make a baby together.

Any kind of infertility is a daily battle, but when you don't have any answers it feels like even more of a struggle. On the one hand, you try to take the positives that because there's nothing in particular wrong, maybe it will happen naturally... But on the other hand, it becomes all the more devastating when, month after month, it doesn't.

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  1. :(

    Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

  2. Okay we are in the unexplained territory as well. It totally sucks and the part that makes me the most frustrated about it all is how expensive any type of treatment or testing is!!! It's ridiculous. Like I mentioned yesterday we did learn that I endometriosis after I needed surgery back in 2010 for an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my Fallopian tube. So it's was taken care of the best it could but I am convinced it's returned and there isn't much I can do about it other than sell my soul to pay for all the treatments!!


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