Thursday, 26 June 2014

We Are Not "So Lucky"

I've mentioned that Boy and I have decided that, this year, we're planning on having a Christmas to ourselves. No families, no obligations... Heck, no turkey and Brussels sprouts if we feel that way out (although I'm not sure how I feel about sacrificing Brussels sprouts. I love them)

The only way we can be sure of having a Christmas to ourselves is to be a long, long, long way away. We could try to stay at home and barricade ourselves in, but there would be sure to be some sort of "emergency" and that would be our plans ruined. So our plan is to go to Las Vegas for Christmas, and to New York for new year and Boy's birthday.

We've mentioned this to a few people, and we've had similar sort of responses. "That sounds amazing", "I'm so jealous", and my personal favourite "you're so lucky".

We are NOT "so lucky".

Luck has nothing to do with this. Luck isn't paying for our flights, accommodation and spending money. This will be expensive. But, unfortunately, it's something we feel the need to do.

How do you explain to people that Christmas is really tough to get through, never mind enjoy, when it's "all about the kids" and all you want is to have a child, and you can't? How do you make people realise that the constant reminders that, for another year, you have failed to reproduce, cut right through you over and over again?

How do you tell people that, had things worked out differently, you would be spending this Christmas and New Year counting down the last few days to your due date? That at the beginning of the year you were hopeful that your IVF cycle would make all your dreams come true, and that your days of wondering whether you'd ever have a baby to celebrate a first Christmas with were finally coming to an end?

How do you explain that this trip isn't a way of showing off, being indulgent, or trying to one-up others - it's a way of escaping the constant reminders, comments, and heartbreak? How do you describe the feeling of someone making insensitive comments to you, smashing and tearing your heart into tiny pieces, especially when that someone is a person you have confided in about what's really going on with you? How do you let people know that the truth is you'd much prefer not to have the option of travelling, of being thousands of miles from home; you'd give anything to be spending Christmas at home nursing your 38 weeks pregnant belly, putting your feet up because your ankles are swollen and complaining of sciatica?

We are not "so lucky". We are the exact opposite. And that's why we want to spend the holidays this year as far removed from reality as we possibly can.

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  1. It sounds like a Christmas to yourselves is greatly needed. You guys will be able to just kick back and please yourselves for a while and hopefully that will help you through what is, for many, a difficult time. I think people forget how hard Christmas can be for so many people. For me it will be difficult because it will be the first one in my life that I spend without my family. Ugh, but I can't think about that because home sickness is an evil beast that creeps in and lingers. Maybe I could jump on to your positive thought train too!

  2. ugh, girl i am so sorry for my comment yesterday, i dont even know if i said 'lucky' i hope i didnt, because i hate when people say that to me for things that i do (buy a house, go to australia) because like you said, we worked hard and paid for it. but on the other subject, i obviously have no experience with this and its something i would never wish on anyone. i really hope that this christmas is as amazing as it can be and next christmas is even better. big hugs love xx

  3. I don't think I've said you're lucky but I know I have sort of gushed over the trip. Because I think it will be a great trip and it is something I would love to experience one day.

    I'm sorry though. I never really thought about the reasonings behind it.

  4. I think that it's great that you have decided to get away & visit Vegas & NYC, that will be fun & hopefully will get your mind off things. However, you never know, something may happen between now & then. Don't give up hope, you just never know what the universe has in store for you. Hugs! :)

  5. My husband and I tried to have Christmas by ourselves last year and it didn't work out. I'm still waiting for the magical year when that can happen before we have kids.



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