Friday, 28 February 2014

The Blogmopolitan Quiz - Round 2

I was so excited to see this yesterday on Two Thirds Hazel. It was so much fun being a part of the first one, and I couldn't wait to do it all over again! In case you missed the first part, you can read my answers here. On with round two!

Join in the fun, head on over to Erin's blog to download the quiz and participate!

*This post originally appeared on my old blog and has been imported to Living for the Victories*

Monday, 24 February 2014

Where Do You Belong?

I was reading something online recently that prompted me to think about this – where do I belong? Where do I feel most at home?

Geographically, there isn't really a place I feel I belong. In my home town, I never really felt that I fitted in – and to be honest, I didn't want to. The popular kids at school just weren't my cup of tea, and I wanted different things from life so I would never have been part of their social circle. Where I live now, I still feel very much like an outsider. As soon as I open my mouth, it is immediately obvious I'm not a native of the area, and as I've said before I don't have even one really good friend in the area that I can chat to, go shopping with, and all the usual girly stuff.

There are places I feel more at ease and relaxed, but I'm not sure I would say I "belong" there because I've never been for an extended period of time. The south coast of Devon is one of those places. I've been visiting the area almost annually since I was 3 years old, and whenever I arrive there is a sense of being "home away from home". In general, I would say being near the sea makes me feel calm and peaceful, and I've said for years that in an ideal world I'd live near the beach. But would I feel as though I belonged if I were there permanently? There's no way of knowing.

At work, I've had jobs in the past where I definitely felt I belonged, and was valued and respected and liked. At the moment, I don't feel that I'm disliked or not valued, but I do feel as though if I were to move on I wouldn't be missed. The team I work in is nice enough and we get on, but not to the point of socialising outside of work – it's all very businesslike and nothing more. In previous jobs I worked with people who I did become fast friends with and had a social life with, and I do miss that. I socialise more with Boy's team, who are based 100 miles away from mine!

I've never had a big circle of friends, although I have been part of other people's circles of friends – and although the friends of my friends may have been perfectly nice and welcoming towards me, I always felt that I was on the periphery of the group and I was tolerated rather than completely accepted. This may be, at least in part, down to my natural introversion, as I don't feel comfortable in the middle of a big group. I don't feel that I can be completely myself, so I present an edited version of myself. There are very few people that I feel I can completely let my guard down with, and sadly over recent years that number of people has declined even further.

I can't even say that I feel that I belong with family. I used to, for sure, but since we lost my dad I do sometimes find my mum quite hard to be around, and there are things I can't say to her and there are things we just don't talk about. My extended family are great, and on the rare occasion we do all get together we always have a good time, but we're not "close" as such – they wouldn't know what my favourite colour is or what movies I've been watching or whatever.

The one person I do feel completely at ease around is Boy. I don't have to put on any kind of front, I can just be me and do or say whatever I want to, and feel safe in the knowledge that he won't change his opinion of me or feel differently towards me. For that reason, I can honestly say wherever he is, that's where I belong. He is home to me.

So, why do I consistently feel that I don't "fit in"? Why does it matter to me? I guess its human nature to want to be accepted and loved, and maybe I do make it more difficult for myself because I tend to hold back a little, and wait to be invited into a circle rather than invite others to form one with me. My self-confidence isn't great, and I often think that people just aren't all that interested in what I have to say – so I don't say anything. I'm definitely more of an observe-from-the-sidelines kinda girl than one who dives in at the deep end and immerses herself. I'm cautious, and I'm not very trusting any more because of disappointments in my past. On the whole, I'm happy enough – I could be a lot worse off, let's face it. I have a wonderful husband, a home, a job, and although my friends aren't great in number, those I do have are fantastic and I wouldn't change them for the world. Maybe my place in life is still to be determined.

Where do you belong?
This post originally appeared on my old blog and has been imported to Living for the Victories

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

February's Literary Junkies

Pink Heels Pink Truck

Here are this month's questions:
1. What are you reading right now? Tell us about it!
Right now I'm in between books. I finished Water for Elephants last week, and my next book will be One For The Rook by D S Nelson.

2. What books are on your bedside table at the moment?

None, I don't keep books there.

3. Amazon recently released the 100 books to read in a lifetime.  What did they miss that you would add? 
Oh dear, I've only read 10 of those... I've got work to do! I'm very disappointed there's nothing by the Brontes on there, I really think there should be.

4. Are there any books being published in 2014 that you are anxiously awaiting?  If so, what are they?
You know, I don't even know what's due to be released this year! I guess I've had other things on my mind lately.

5. Name the next 3 books in your To Be Read List (the ones you will be reading next on your list.)
Beyond One For The Rook I'm not sure. I have a huge list a books I desperately want to read, but I don't even own most of those yet... So we'll see!

**This post originally appeared on my old blog and has been imported to Living for the Victories**

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

I Don’t Need Words This Wednesday

For those of you that aren’t following me on Instagram, or if you are and you missed it, this picture that I posted last night currently sums up everything for me right now.